From Single to Married - Just Like That!

Now, before I begin this post; its been a while since I actually wrote something. Both figuratively and literally.
Figuratively because I've seemed to have a blank mind for the longest time now and literally because I've not bothered to really take the time to write anything this extensive in a long time.

The last time I posted something, I was a single man, enjoying the little quirks that life had to offer and needless to say, I was happy. At least I thought I was.

I've been terrible at managing my finances and it somehow never seemed to bother me. May it was because I had this feeling in my head that I had people around; friends and relatives that would pull me out of a sticky situation in case I did get into one.

These thoughts got real when on one fine morning I decided to splurge on yet another faction of my imagination; I decided it was time to get married!.

I had no savings, a zero bank balance, absolutely no assets and yes, I was still determined to go ahead with this bizarre thought that suddenly popped into my head.

In one of my previous posts I've mentioned how I created an online matrimonial profile and how it had to drastically stop with a rather shrewed intervention from my parents.

Let me tell you that once I found myself back on a stable job and back in action, I decided I was good to go with the whole marriage extravaganza.

Surprisingly, my parents didn't say a word this time. They silently played along. We went from matching a profile to me making multiple trips to meet the girl, to planning an engagement and hell to even fixing a date for the wedding.

Funny thing is, I had absolutely no clue how the finances worked for something so major and where I was going to find the money to pay for this when I was already spending and paying back more than I was making.

Again, without a saying a word or flooding me with advise, my parents supported me. Payments were made on my behalf, arrangements were made as requested and ya, before I knew it I was on a plane to India to tie the knot!

I guess the first hit to my crisis came when I decided to cash out on the credit cards to pay for a honeymoon that I otherwise wouldn't even dare to dream about. I guess when the love fever hits you, nothing else really matters.

We had a good trip, got back and then I headed back to home base, whilst making a promise to my now wife, that I would soon send across a visa for her travel. The initially planned wait of a 15 days turned to over a month and before I knew it I was on month two of the marriage and still struggling to find a way to save up enough to even afford a visa.

Like they say, god is great!. I'm not a firm believer in god or religion for that matter but when the lord bestows you with a girl like my wife, you really begin to think about how he has his funny ways to teach you a lesson.

My wife, now getting a faint idea of the situation or mess that I was in, decided to just get herself a visa and ticket and flew out here to be with me.

The best three months of my life were about to begin. How time flew still is a mystery to me. The feeling of just knowing that the person lying next to you in bed every night is willing to sacrifice everything for you is more overwhelming than anything else.

The void that she filled in my life was realized only when her visa tenure was up and when she had to return back.

With things still not looking good and my job scene suddenly turning in the not so right direction, I continue to have nightmares about how things will shape up.

While my wife was here, I couldn't keep my eyes open beyond 11 pm. Now, at almost 3 am, I'm writing a blog post about my life whilst keeping the lights on because I'm scared of the dark. Let's just day, I'm not comfortable staying alone anymore.

While I run the numbers in my head, make these bizarre schemes on how I can repay my debt, and how I can piece my life back together, I have this strange feeling about how big a fool I was to do what I did when I wasn't even prepared for it.

I love my wife and that's the truth but taking her from her comfort zone and bringing her into my life's chaotic ways doesn't seem rational.

Putting my dad through the trouble of getting his eldest son married when he already is trying to save up for his only daughters wedding seems ungrateful.

I'm generally known for keeping a cool head and staying positive when the whole world is seeing it the other way but in this instance it seems like I'm slowly beginning to see the bigger picture.

As I struggle to catch a nights sleep with the lights still on, all I want is to be able to live debt free, pay back my parents for all that they've done for me and to give a life to my wife; one that she deserves.

How I went from being single, care free to married and worried, still beats me.

All I know for now is that god definitely has his funny ways of passing down a piece of his mind!

Do I need Anger Management?

Okay, so now this may sound totally bizarre and out of place but ya, I suddenly had this outburst of random thoughts on why I do what I do at times.

Now before I get into the details, let me say this; I am generally known to be quite suppressed when it comes to expressing my feelings. And when I say feelings it generally includes stuff like anger also.

But then, there are these inexplicable situations where I turn into a total unreasonable beast of some kind. The kind that doesn't want to listen/ understand/ assess the situation.

Now I don't remember when this started or how I turned into this beast of a person who is otherwise quite docile but turns completely hostile within a split second.

What, who and when this happens is all subjective. A simple tap on the head at the wrong hour could be enough for me to lose it completely.

Now, what I did or how I reacted as a kid is something that I obviously wouldn't remember but the last time I remember turning into a monster of this kind was when I was in college.

After that, over these past so many years, I've somehow not had this outburst. It wasn't until very recently that I lost it when my mother was visiting.

She was at home and a simple argument about something that I don't very clearly remember now, was what instigated the whole fury. Now, before you start judging me, let me make it very clear that unlike the other times, I did not turn violent. this time it was more of a raising my voice and then going into the silent treatment mode.

What saddens me even now is that half of her vacation time was spoilt because yours truly decided to throw his weight around for some meagre issue. It was like this outburst of being completely immature. Believe it or not, I still find it hard to understand why I did what I did back then.

My mom went back feeling sad that her eldest son was being this rude monster and giving her the treatment that she didn't deserve in the first place.

Slowly with time, I sort of came to terms with myself and with the help of some close one's was eventually able to make peace with her. It was a simple case of picking up the phone and talking to her but at that time, the whole process seemed very awkward to me. Why it felt that way is another story altogether I guess.

The second of such an instance came almost 2 months later. This time the target was my little sister. When I say little, I don't literally mean little. Wouldn't want to showcase myself as being a guy who enjoys child abuse. She is just a year younger to me. If that clears the air for starters.

Anyways, this time around, the subject of conversation had something to do with food if I remember correctly. One thing led to the other and before I could realize it, it was too late. The damage was done. With tears rolling down her cheeks and fighting back words, she got up from where she was sitting and went into the bedroom.

The funny thing about all this is that after the incident, it hardly took me 5 minutes to realize what I had done. I had raised my hands on a girl who meant my life to me. What forced me into doing what I did was a mystery; or rather still is a mystery.

I hate my self for times like these. Not only does it upset all the people involved, it also spoils the whole homely atmosphere. I spent the whole night wondering why I did it and also how I could right the situation.

I must admit that I have recently discovered that I'm awfully bad with making up after an argument or fight. I go on this entire guilt trip not knowing how to set things straight.

Sometimes I wish I had some kind of time machine that I could use to just turn back time and ensure that such an incident never occurred in the first place. If only something like that was possible!


The funny thing here is that right after this happened, I suddenly felt like I should tell someone about what I just did and sort of seek assistance with handling the issue.

Rather than turning these thoughts into meaningful action, I ended sitting right where I was and breaking my head over why I had done it in the first place.

I guess it was not until bed time that I decided to put an end to this misery and just dropped a text to my sister saying sorry. It may have been a stupid gesture but at that time, it seemed like the best thing to do.

As I snug into my bed with an overflow of thoughts about the whole incident, this one question was what put me to sleep I guess that night; Do I really need anger management?.

In search of my 'SELF'

This story dates back to a mildly cold night in October 1985; to be precise, October 25th, 1985, 2100 hrs.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this was the day and time when 'I' was born.

Like every other parent, my folks too, were thoroughly excited about my arrival, celebrations were underway and congratulatory messages were being passed around.

Again, like every other child, no stones were left un-turned in ensuring that I was being loved, cared for and raised to be the knight in shining armor to my parents. I am in Dubai, the land of gold, and so the shining armor part has probably been taken care of. But knight?; I doubt.

I was born to a Naval officer and a school teacher. Both well qualified and achievers in whatever field they chose.

My journey back then, was only beginning. Little did I know what sort of a roller coaster ride it would turn out to be.

My mother always told me and probably still maintains that as a kid, I was always ahead of my class. Be it sports, extra-curricular activities or even academics, I was always there. Surprisingly for me, I always notched that first prize. They said that if I came home after an exam and seemed worried about that one question, it would always turn out that I would have only just missed that one answer in my test. Irony is, I don't know where that part of me has vanished. That zeal for success, that thirst to be amongst the best; where did it go?. Where did I lose my 'SELF'?

As days and years passed by, a part of my original 'SELF' seemed to be fading away into the dark.

I went from bright and over achieving in primary school, to meagre and average in middle school, to even barely achieving or in some cases, a total failure by the time I got to high school and graduation.

Now I would understand if academics was the only lacking point. Maybe I wasn't all that bright after all. I may have mastered primary school but maybe my brain was not designed for the later levels of education. The funny part here is that along with academics, went extra-curricular and sports too.

It was, but with great difficulty that I managed to scrape past school and college. I thought the world was mine when I finished my graduation after a shameless 7 year period. What I did not realize at that point was that in the time that I finished my graduation, people generally finished a masters and probably also a doctorate.

Nonetheless, the drive to move on and make a living, took me into the world of call centers.

It was awesome; it was different. There was this sense of freedom associated with being able to pay for your meals. Once again, I made the mistake of believing that this was 'IT'. I believed that I had gotten past the education phase, had started earning and so everything would be smooth sailing from here. Little did I know that I was heading down a river that lead to a waterfall.

It was in the late 2000's that I finally decided that enough was enough and that I had to start catching up with friends and peers before I got completely left out in this race of life.

With bags packed and ambitions on full throttle I set foot into Dubai. A place where I thought I would never fit in.

Like every other person who has maybe lost out on a lot in life, I only wanted to make up for lost time. Career options were varied and vast but I decided to follow my education and enter the field of mechanics, air conditioning  and construction.

Now I wouldn't say that I didn't try. I made every effort to excel. But somehow from deep inside I kept feeling that something was missing. That I was missing a part of my 'SELF'.

Four years in the Gulf and four different jobs later, I am still searching. I have a secured job. If I channelize my focus and make an effort I might succeed. But in all this, I just don't see my 'SELF'.

Heart in heart, I want to do a lot of other things. I want to venture into a different stream, want to attain that other degree which may help me get a job that I would perhaps enjoy; a job where excellence would come naturally. A profession where I would find my 'SELF'.

With every passing day, I am growing older. If I don't act fast, it might be too late. I definitely do not wish to see myself whining about my job and life when i'm headed for retirement.

I wish to follow a career path where I felt like my 'SELF' and not the person that I have transformed into.

I want to move out;Canada has been a dream destination for me. I want to go and explore my opportunities. I want to LIVE the LIFE that I have ALWAYS wanted.

How and when?; well that remains a mystery. If life has taught me anything then it is this; you can plan all you want or try as hard as you wish, but you will undoubtedly, always get what you are destined for. People might say loads of crap about hard work and determination but then what they miss out on is the factor called luck and something called fate.

To keep things short and to avoid the reader from falling off to sleep, i'll put an end to my life's miseries.

I probably have missed out on mentioning certain details but that's okay. I'm sure you get the picture.

As for now, I'll settle down into bed for the night. I can always resume the hunt for my 'SELF' tomorrow!

This ‘thing’ called love

It’s not every day that you find the love of your life. Though many may disagree with the statement, it sort of holds good for the majority.

My life too seemed to go through this phase a couple of times. These were times when I as an individual felt deeply attracted to a person of the opposite sex.

This, I later found out the hard way, was nothing more than a simple infatuation for the simple reason that my feelings for the same girl would change after a couple of months or even days in certain cases.

Notwithstanding, I continued to allow these feelings to creep in and out and was quite content with the state of affairs.

Things sort of took a turn when I encountered this phenomenon called maturity.

It was like a clean-up session within my heart and brain wherein I learnt that these feelings/infatuations were something that were a part of my teenage and that at my age, I need to either live a single, carefree life or look for that special someone with whom I could possible live the rest of my life.

It was all hunky dory till I reached an age when this deadly virus called marriage started coming into the picture.

Friends and family were getting hitched and it was sort of scary. I too was fast approaching the ‘marriageable age’ and for obvious reasons, I had to decide what I wanted from life.

As my star suggests, we scorpions are meant to be passionate and caring lovers who have that extra ounce of possessiveness when it comes to our partners.

In my case however, I never seemed to have the passion nor did I have a partner to shower her with love and care.

These issues never bothered me. I seemed to be pretty cool about the whole thing and just wanted to experience life as it came.

But again, I was a man at the end of the day and cravings for love or to be loved were bound to come back. I did not have anything against an arranged marriage but always dreamt to falling in love and getting married to that perfect someone.

Maybe it was frustration or loneliness, I cannot be very sure, but I signed up on this very promising website that seemed to be created for people like me who did not completely believe in the traditional rituals of an arranged marriage.

The signing in was simple. Key in your personal details, mention your likes and dislikes, state what you want from a partner and some more related information. Oh and yes, the most important  piece of information, a photograph.

The process was simple, based on the information that you provide, the website pulls out like minded profiles from the opposite sex and lists them down for you to select. If you like the profile, you say like. If you don’t, then just ignore.

Privacy and confidentiality of your selection was maintained at all times and the other person would never know that you liked their profile unless and until they reciprocated the interest.

I think I was sort of lucky since I managed to pull up quite a large number of matches. Not that these matches meant anything but for a guy, its motivating.

The initial set of messages and greetings would be exchanged but further to that nothing seemed to happen.

And then the magic happened. I was matched with a profile of this one girl who seemed to be pretty good to be true. Her interests were exactly what I was looking for. She looked pretty, did a lot of writing (which by the way for me was a major turn on) and in general seemed to be a perfect match.

In this case too, we started off with the usual hi hello business but there seemed to be a spark. We sort of clicked. It didn't take time for us to share our numbers with each other and then move on to an easier way of staying in touch – Whatsapp!

From here the situation only seemed to bloom with both of us getting to know each other better and with time, we became pretty close.

Since this was not a fairytale story, the twists and drama were bound to make an entry into our otherwise happy relationship.

The parents of the girl in question were already on the lookout for a suitable match and our little relationship could not take shape since we had not even seen each other in person. With 21^st century technology in place, the most we could do was get a glimpse of each other on Skype but that was it.

With time running out and nothing working, like any other relationship, we began to drift. Now, I'm not implying that we stopped liking each other but the pressure of marriage for the girl and the fact that we were located on two different continents posed a concern.

We still spoke. We still tried our best to maintain whatever it was that we had and basically we kept our hopes high.

To make things a whole lot more complicated, I declared to her that I was falling in love and that I had to make this work. Call it her denial or simple logical thinking, she hesitated to reciprocate.

We had decided a long time ago that we would not date since we were both unsure of where this would lead and were both equally afraid of a heartbreak at the end if things did not work the way we wanted it to.

It wasn't until recently that she too, in all our little chats, sort of admitted that somewhere between all this caring, she had also fallen in love with me.

Normally, I would have jumped with joy on hearing something like this but here I was, thinking of what to do next.

It was like I was in some sort of complex ‘Math Olympiad’ where I was required to solve an impossible equation if I needed to clear the round.

All said and done, at present, we still chat, we still try and console each other and still have this hope within hope that something will work out.

Strangely enough, the fact that to make a relationship a reality, both people must at least see each other in person and spend some time together, has not yet been worked out.

Since time is not our best suit, things are a little tricky. But when it comes to love, logic doesn't seem to have any value.

How things shape up from here are yet to be seen and experienced. For now, it’s this ‘thing’ called love that’s holding us together.

The Lankan Diaries

Its not very often that opportunities like these knock at your doorstep, inviting you to embark on a journey this exciting.

Two days into my new job and off I go, on an all expense paid trip, with friends, family and colleagues, courtesy my company, to a tropical destination, Sri Lanka.

The year certainly started off with a bang for me. While the getting-a-new-job scene happened last year, it was the post joining journey that was so exciting.

I walked into my office, all excited about starting afresh and hoping that things would be smooth sailing from here on.

One day in and I hear talks and whispers about a company retreat. A trip that the company sends its employees on, every two years. Of-course with me just about finishing the joining formalities and waiting for my work visa to get stamped on my passport, the possibilities of being able to make the trip were pretty grim.

Plus the head count was finalized, the hotel bookings were made and all other related travel arrangements had been done prior to my joining and hence I did not, in the least, think I would be a part of this wonderful journey.

It was the tragic death of one of my colleagues' mother in law that had the office admin in a spin.

This particular person was to travel with his wife, two children and parents. A total of 6 six seats, fell vacant just two days before the trip date.

It was chaos in office as cancellation of the additional seats would mean a hefty loss to the company and so all efforts were being made to fill the void.

And in I came. I was promptly popped the question of weather or not I would be interested in joining the others, to which I too, in almost perfect sync, said yes.

The next question was, how in the world was I supposed to go on a company retreat without even getting my visa stamped?!. The process was sped up, HR guys were at the immigration all night trying to figure out my case and get me through and basically all efforts were being made to sort of break a world record for fastest visa stamped. To keep things short, I got my visa stamped just the day prior to departure.

I packed my bags the previous night, which again was a mess because obviously I was not prepared for a trip like this. Luckily being a man had its advantages. A pair of jeans, shorts for the beach, a couple of inners and a few of my peppy looking t-shirts and I was good to go.

We arrived early at the airport, everyone eager to just leave the country and work behind for a few days.

Like any other group trip, this one too was filled with people showing their love for group-selfies and what not using all the latest gadgetry.

Less be told, the next thing we knew was the air-hostess asking us to keep our chairs in the up-right position and lift the window shades as we were preparing to land.

It was about 3:30 AM, local time. We finished with the airport formalities and walked out to breathe some Lankan air. Those who felt starved for nicotine, ran out to light up. The rest, just stood by with drowsy eyes, wondering what was planned next.

A guide then asked us to board the coach that would take us to our hotel in a place called Hikkaduwa, which we were told, was about 5 hours from the airport.

We were also told that we would be stopping by for breakfast, water sports for those interested and also a visit to the turtle hatchery were sea turtles were rescued and bred to be released back into the ocean once they were deemed fit.

It was around 1:00 PM that we finally reached our hotel. The warm and rather friendly hotel staff guided us for check-in. We were allotted our respective rooms and before we could even think about crashing in bed, the next announcement was made. Lunch in 15 mins. Post which we were supposed to go visit a local fort site.

The lunch was eventful with the restaurant constantly giving me that Goan shack feel. A similar sea view, the breeze from the beach, the sand on my feet and yes, a beer in my hand. It felt like I was back home on vacation!.

The trip to the local fort wasn't so exciting, more so because everyone was almost drained. The long flight, the bus trip, the water sports, turtles, and lunch. All that everyone wanted was to crash for the night and wake up fresh for the next day.

I must mention though that the fort was very well maintained. Unlike in India where one would expect to find paan stains on the wall and declarations of love on every other corner, this place was kept at its original best. No litter on the ground and no local kids playing cricket in the compound.

We did notice the fair share of love birds perched here and there but again, this being a tourist destination, nobody seemed to really care.

With the trip completed for Day-1, we had an early meal and went to bed.

We woke up early to hit the beach and have some fun before we could head out for our day's activities which mainly comprised of a jungle safari.

The safari now, was not as we expected. To be honest, it was nothing like we had expected. Apart from spotting a few baby elephants every now and then, some rather malnutritioned versions of a cow and some crocodiles that looked like they were carved out of plastic and placed in water, there was nothing.

This perhaps was the only let down in an otherwise exciting and fun filled trip. We stopped for some chai and then headed back to base camp, our hotel.

This time around, the energy levels were still at an optimum and so we played some beach volleyball, sat around and sipped on some chilled beer and played some rather childish games which again seemed like a lot of fun since were in such a large group.

It was around 2:00 AM when we finally decided to call it a night and retreat back to our rooms. The next day, which was the last, was supposed to accommodate some more fun activities.

Day-3, like the other two, began in the morning with a dip in the beach. Post breakfast, we headed to a diving centre where we would be taken mid sea for a 20-30 metres dive to see some live corals and underwater life.

This was again quite interesting and exciting but also a little scary. I had done this sort of thing long back but then again, I was a kid and probably hadn't been on a dive so deep.

With the basic training being imparted, and the trainer feeling confident, we set out to sea.

I was amongst the first few who got to dive, the experience was overwhelming. It was a sight that I had missed since being in the Andaman and Nicobar Islands. The live corals, the colourful fish and the brilliant sea life. It was like an adrenaline rush 30 metres under water.

With everyone finishing off with their share of the dive, we headed back to shore for some lunch.

The same restaurant was chosen as a result of a popularity vote and hence we went back in, had our meals and then went back to the hotel.

Time was running short. we had to pack up, head out and reach the airport for our departure.

The trip was tiring but nobody wanted to go back. The thought of seeing that office desk, the projects, the site, the meetings, it was something we had completely forgotten about in these few days.

To keep the spirits high, and to make the bus trip a little more lively, we had a sort of sing song competition going , with everyone just screaming their lungs out in an attempt to sing the best they could. It wasn't particularly pleasing to the ears but heck, we were having a good time anyways!

Before we knew it it was time for check-in and boarding. With heavy feet, we walked to our seats, fastened our seat belts and pulled out that eye mask in an attempt to close our eyes one more time before we woke up to the reality of an 8 to 5 job.

The trip was awesome. Something that I would remember, particularly because of the way I got in.

As for now, I need to head downstairs for my next weekly site progress meeting. *sign*.

"Lets get MARRIED!"...But wait, are you ready?!

Its been a while since I stepped out of the country in search of greener pastures.

I stepped out in the hope that my life would transform; that I would live the life I had always dreamt of. In short, I believed that my life would be nothing short of a fairy tale!

I must admit that a lot of things did change. I learnt to be a little more responsible, My living standards sort of improved, I had reached a stage where I did not have to think twice before I indulged in some impulsive shopping.

Oh, and most importantly, I thought I was ready for marriage!

I was back in India for a vacation of sorts. I had changed jobs and so had to exit the country for a quick visa change.

While I was sitting at home and wondering how I could spend some time, I was tasked with the job of searching for a match for my sister. I opened her profile, and started scanning through the various profiles that showed up as "preferred match" or as a result of my search criteria.

Before I knew it, this thing was turning into an addiction. From morning to evening, I would sit on this site and just keep scanning. It came to a point where I wanted to pick up the laptop and smash it right on the floor.

Yes, that's exactly what I wanted to do. This hunt was beyond frustrating. Not one decent profile?!!..

Every time I came across a profile that did not match what I was looking for, I would promptly select the "Ignore" option and move on. Not before long, almost every profile that I checked, had either already been "ignored' or "blocked"!

It had been about two months since I had taken on the challenge to find my sister a match. If I felt like breaking the laptop, I wonder what my sister was going through.

This got me thinking. If this is the case, I might as well put up a profile for myself now. Given my size and not so good looking features, I would probably end up with a similar experience.

If I started now, maybe I would find someone in the next three or four years!

I made an announcement at home about my grand plan. I did make it clear though that come what may, I will get married only after something had worked out for my sister.

I did not receive any objections and so that night, I went on to create a profile. I had already sort of thought about what I would write in the various sections and so got at it immediately and voila, my profile was ready and live!

I put off the lights and went to sleep. The next morning, I woke up to the beep of my phone. I had received some five e-mails. I jumped up and checked the mail.

In a few hours that I was asleep, I had already received two interests!. What luck!

Obviously I was not prepared for this sort of response. I logged in to the website and checked the profiles. Sadly the girls did not match my expectations and so I had to blankly press that "decline" button.

The next couple of days were spent scanning though more profiles and this time, I was sending out interests to people who I thought were ideal matches.

It was all fun till one morning when I received another interest. The proposal was for the daughter of an Army officer. He had mentioned that he liked what he saw and requested me to reply either via mail or phone if I was interested.

Honestly speaking, I wanted to pick up the phone, dial his number and say " I loved the profile!. Lets get married!". Then it hit, There was no way I could get married now!. I have a sister who needs to get married. Its a promise that I had made to her.

I tossed around in bed wondering what appropriate measure I could take to go around this.

I mentioned this to my parents who at the time were not in station. I thought I might as well wait for them to get back. Their advise would probably give me some direction.

While waiting, I had also expressed interest to this one girl who I thought looked nice. She had a sparkle in her eye and sort of stood out.

The day my parents got back, I received another mail. The girl who I had expressed interest to had accepted!.

I felt overwhelmed when the parents of the girl, in their e-mail to me, mentioned that she had been adopted. That line did something to me. It was not that I felt sad for her, I just felt that I HAD to get married to her now.

Filled with all this excitement, I went to my parents and poured out all this information.

AND THAT'S WHEN THE BUBBLE BURST.

Like a quick rebuttal, their first question to me was "Do you think you are ready for marriage?!"

Of course I wasn't. That was the plan!. I had to wait anyways till my sister got hitched. If I found a match for myself in the interim, It would give me time to know the girl, sort out my finances and do a little future planning!.

But how was I supposed to explain this to my parents who seemed to have already made up their minds with the fact that I was not ready for marriage!

All this excitement that I had had turned into anger. I wanted to literally just rant about what was going on in my head. I felt these thoughts would explode inside if I did not vent it out somewhere.

I considered writing a blog post. A post where I would just simply vent out all my frustration and paint a nasty picture of how my parents were playing villain to my otherwise perfectly-though-out master plan to get married.

I have to admit though, that this sudden outburst to wake up one day, put up a profile, find the perfect match and then wait in line to get married was perhaps more on the lines of a fantasy fairy tale.

Maybe what my parents said had a different angle to it. It may have seemed blunt and outright but perhaps their reaction to my excitement was a denouement of the years of experience that they have.

I might have been right in my own way. Maybe my way of thinking was a little off-track. I was probably just thinking on impulse and not realizing the depth of what I was getting myself into here.

Another important fact that they pointed out to was my otherwise rather intimidating size.

All they said was; "Look at yourself. Do you think any parent will give their daughter away to a man who looks like he could squash the life out of their daughter?!"

Pointing out to all the interests that I had received in the few days that my profile was active, I literally wanted to scream my top off and say " THESE ARE THE GIRLS WHO WANT TO MARRY ME !!"

Maybe that reaction would have put them in the offensive. maybe I would have had an edge with that response. But thinking about it now, I'm glad I did not say those things.

Their question to me was perhaps out of shear concern. More than marriage, their priority was to drill sense into me saying "Even if you do get married, the way you are going. you wont last very long!"

These questions in quick succession did prick me like a needle. It was like I was suddenly woken up from a day dream. One of those dreams where you think you are having such a wonderful time and suddenly someone woke you out of it.

Now, I like to live my life, one day at a time. I act as per what the situation requires. I don't do something thinking about 10 years from now!. Maybe I need to change it, Maybe I don't.

I had put up that profile for close to a week, I had planned to check on the responses I got, interact with the girl, tell her parents about my one and only constraint, and then by the time my route was clear, I would have worked something out with regards to finances, and family planning.

As you would have guessed by now, that's exactly what I did NOT end up doing.

After all this confrontation, I logged on the website, looked at those beautiful girls one last time, and deleted my profile. It hurts me to think about all those parents who had sent their requests in the hope that something would work out. Little did they know that the guy at the other end was not thinking on his feet.

I know for a fact that somewhere deep down, these things will haunt me. What I did was not right. But, since the damage was already done, I think it was best that I deleted the profile.

It's funny sometimes how a little confrontation with your parents can pull you out of a world of illusions.

In my case though, all they had to ask me was "Do you think you are ready"!

From Rags to Riches and back to Square One!

My last post on this platform was about a year and a half ago. I must say, there have been some enormous changes in my life since then and now.

Back then, I had a decent job, a nice little apartment, a few but good and genuine friends and a life that I felt was worth living.

Just a few month down the line, life took a turn for the worse. It was not how the events unfolded but the timing was what flabbergasted me.

It was early September when I lost my job. Being in the UAE, I knew for a fact that getting another good opening was going to be difficult but I thought I'd try anyways.

Just after the loss of job, my apartment was contract was up for renewal. I knew I couldn't afford to pay rent for a few months and hence had to let go off my roof.

My friends, who were also my roommates, moved out one by one to begin a new life, the life of marriage.

I suddenly found myself broke, homeless and completely lonely.

It took me a good three months of sulking, hunting for a job and indulging to kill my misery, that I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

I took up the not so rewarding job, but was happy to know that things were finally falling into place. I continued to stay with my brother, the only difference being that I was now an active contributor to the rent and other household expenses.

It was literally a dream come true when I cracked my driver's licence test at the very first go. My passion for cars and the love for driving were probably the supporting factors.

It all seemed so colourful.  I had a job, was living with family and picked up my licence, which again I was waiting to lay my hands on since the day I stepped into the UAE.

Things seemed to get even better when I drove my beauty off the parking lot just two weeks after getting my licence. That shiny blue colour, the scent of a new car and the proud feeling of being able to afford something like this were beyond words.

I was on cloud 9 and very strongly believed that my life was at its level best.

I joined a gym, went into total diet control and made every effort to live up to the moment.

Perhaps the guy watching from above had a completely different agenda.

Its been roughly 9 months within which all these wonderful events took place.

Today, I seem to have come face to face with the word 'Deja Vu'. Words like ' good things come in small packages' and 'live in the moment' seem to make greater sense to me.

I have lost my job, am back to being broke and to top things off, have a liability to take care of.

My saviour, my brother, seems to be losing it slowly after seeing me kinda dig my own grave.

I had barely set my foot in when I got so engrossed at the wonderful events happening around me that I lost sight of what might be.

In spite of this misery, I somehow do not seem to be very surprised. Its almost like I saw this coming.

Its like a sign from above that say's : Don't over-do it!

I hope that this little pitfall is for something better to come.

Perhaps I will come out of it stronger, and better prepared for the next challenge that life has to offer.

Whatever the case, no matter what the situation and definitely no matter what the consequences, my reply to life will remain the same: "BRING IT ON!"